keeping on keeping on

I watched some of the SOTU last night. It was worth the time spent watching people mill around in the House just to see Pelosi and Cheney share a podium above Dubya.

I have some doubts about the credibility of Bush’s proposed policy changes. As I told Kiki this morning, I could spend hours deconstructing the details, but I ain’t got hours. I suppose what irks me the most is knowing that he wouldn’t be proposing these policy changes at all if Democrats weren’t in the majority. Never mind just doing what’s right – do it because it will get you some much-needed political points. Maybe it doesn’t matter – maybe it matters most that the improvements are made at all. (The health care proposals, by the way, do nothing but piss me off.)

Practice yesterday was low energy, which didn’t surprise me. But I did make it through, skipping the the extra push-up from chatauranga to down dog. Just didn’t have it in me. Pleasantly sore this morning.

I wonder sometimes if I’m too attached to the whole concept of NaYoPracMo. Is this an ego thing? I know it’s good for me, I know it’s important to maintain integrity and commitment when I start something, but I guess I wonder how much of it is tied into the struggle for Achievement. It’s kinda tempting to make it to January 30th and then skip the 31st, just on principle.

Speaking of morning, today was better. I came out of the shower to Duckie standing in the hallway half-awake, which is always a good time to Impose My Will on her. Eventually we turned it into a race against Dad to see who could get out of the house first. Somehow Brian morphed into a bear, and we were tip-toeing around trying to hurry silently out the door. Good energy, fun, and highly effective. This morning my gratitude meditation was for the continuing support of my husband and you guys, because y’all always seem to chime in when I most need help. (My daughter thanks you, too, even though she doesn’t know it.)

Brian has been busting ass around the house. It’s so easy to miss the extra work he’s been doing, but the fact remains that last night he made dinner, packed my lunch for today, did all the dishes (handwashing, too), gave Duckie her bath, read her books, and pretty much put her to bed. I did some laundry, read my book, ate some cookies (BAD Andi, BAD!) and went to bed early. Just, you know, wow.

Nice, especially after listening to a massive freak-out on the way home because she wanted to go to the grocery store instead of going home. I swear I thought she was going to scream herself sick. Time-out as soon as we walked in the door. I gave her a chunk of our favorite bread to munch on, too, just to start evening out the blood sugar.

I’ve finally gotten around to packing a snack box in the trunk of the car (pretzels, goldfish crackers and raisins) to help stave off her after-school hunger. I’m usually starving after work, too, so the least I can do is make sure we’re both fed on the way home so we don’t end up peckish (read: psychotic) before dinner. Hmm. Might be a good excuse to make some granola.

I realized yesterday that things kinda started to roll back downhill right around Christmas, when I felt guilty about not spending enough time with her. As soon as that happened, I got emotionally plugged into her tantrums and couldn’t pull free of her anger and frustration. Remaining calm was about impossible, because I was so involved in blaming myself for her behavior. It might have been appropriate, but it was completely ineffective. That seemed to improve as soon as I became aware of it – not to mention that there’s a bit more time now that the holidays are finally, officially, Over.

I still haven’t finished painting the hallway. Gotta finish that before I can start on the bedroom.