i mean, you know, not really in a bad way, although there are certainly stressful and harsh energies flying around. i haven’t slept well the last few days – too much to do, too much caffeine, too much sugar, not enough yoga. dog barking all night last night so that i heard it even when she’d stopped – one of those earworms, i guess, or not, i don’t know. i’m going to try again to bring her in tonight, because really, this is ridiculous. someone’s going to shoot her out of sheer frustration and sleep deprivation – and that someone might be me. which would, you know, suck.
on the other hand, i think i’ve just been handed the best Christmas present ever. no, seriously.
over the last few years, since the wedding to Ex, i’ve lost touch with my mother’s sister and her daughter – let’s call them Aunt B and Aunt S. Technically, Aunt S is really a cousin – but she’s older than I am by a few years, so I always thought of her as an aunt, and that's what we called her. She lives in Dallas, so there wasn’t a lot of contact anyway. And I was so self-involved for those years that anyone who wasn’t right in my field of vision didn’t really exist for me.
I suppose I kinda paid for it in karma. Since Duckie was born and I finally seemed to get my shit together (you know, as much as it ever is), I had tried to find them both. Searching in North Carolina, searching in Texas, just searching. Googling endlessly – even checking obituaries, because in my world, when people disappear, I have to acknowledge that they might be dead.
Well. *cough, grab more tissues*
I checked my email this morning and read a forwarded message from my dad, from aunt B. She got remarried four years ago – I’m not sure where she’s living, but I hope she’s still in NC. I have my doubts – I seem to remember she was planning to move to Texas to be closer to S. So I have no idea, really, where they are.
But I have email addresses. And I’ll send them my phone number. And I’ll book a super-saver flight if I have to, and take Duckie on her first plane ride. Yes, I will go to Texas. These women are both wonderful people in their own right (I’ve been damned lucky as far as relatives go) but they’re also direct connections to Mom. And I guess I kinda feel like if I can introduce them to Duckie, it’ll be like introducing her to Mom. *sniff, grab more tissue*
Everything else pales in comparison to this, even (selfishly) the unfortunate circumstance of chatty co-worker, who broke her hip this weekend and is about to have surgery on it. But you know what’s amazing – the first thing she said to me on the phone when she was trying to reach our boss was “Happy Birthday.” That floored me. (Yeah, it’s my birthday – she was on pain meds, but she wasn’t delusional.)
I have my fingers crossed for her, of course, and for my boss, whose stress level just skyrocketed when she found that the Lab would be without a fully trained technician for a long while – maybe permanently, because Chatty Co-worker is pretty close to retirement age already.
I had a good body weekend. Yoga class on Saturday was workable and interesting. I like Cat’s new space. It’s smaller and cozier than Asheville yoga, and the class was made up of just five women. We worked Dancer. I teetered and tottered, of course, but the left leg was significantly better than the right, as usual.
I went to Target afterwards and knocked out probably 75% of the Christmas shopping. (Can I just say, if one more person asks me if I’m “ready for Christmas” I’m going to have to bitch-slap them. I’ve got Seven More Days, damn it!)
I also went back to the sportswear section to check for new yoga pants. The last time I tried was back in August, before the Kest workshop. I went to four stores than and found exactly nothing. Waistlines too low, and no drawstring in sight to help hitch up the pants above the belly. The last thing I want is to have the flabby C-section tummy flop out during trikosana, or any other pose. How to wreck your focus, 101. Wear shitty yoga pants. I was pissed.
So I checked out the new line. Nice colors, lovely cotton/spandex blends, and – hello! drawstrings. I pulled a couple off the rack and compared them to my own waistline, thinking, well, ok, I’ll try the large first and see what it’s like.
I tried the medium first instead. And they fit perfectly. The large pair was entirely too large, and looked bulky, even on me. God, I love spandex.
So yeah, it was a good body weekend for the most part.
It doesn’t justify the dozen or so cookies I ate (oh, so that’s why I never have enough gingersnaps) but I look forward to my first long practice, whenever that might be.
I skipped Friday and Sunday. No time today (UPS calls,) unless I squeeze in a half an hour before bed (better than nothing.) Maybe tomorrow, but I’ve got a med check in the afternoon. Tempting to get up early. But damn there’s still so much stuff to do. Even so, I know that I’ll be able to do them better and be happier about it if I take a few minutes to breathe and move. I don’t need to make it terribly complicated, you know?
OK so maybe not exactly manic but possibly moving towards a little hypo. But it’s seven days to Christmas, how else am I supposed to function?
Fresh Market has some yummy flavored coffees. Might have to go get me some – somehow I’ve run out of café l’orange.
Enough randomness and burbling of the stream-of-consciousness. Time to get to work.