Monday, December 11, 2006

the re-entry lament, revisited

Well, fuck.

Last week I had a day where I dropped just about everything I picked up. I screwed up two complaints prior to distribution, so I had to eat some crow, fix them and redistribute them, which is always the most embarrassing part. I was seriously concerned about driving. Dropping your keys is one thing – being flubbery behind the wheel is a bit more serious.

It amazes me sometimes how awkward my body sometimes feels off the mat, when during practice I can sometimes feel so light and graceful. Well, ok, not always. Balance poses are always a challenge.

To further complicate matters, Monday morning re-entry always sucks – no, seriously, it always does. Duck doesn’t want to get out of bed (can you blame her?) and neither of us is particularly motivated to motivate her. Last week when I was trying to get her out of bed, she kicked me in the face and knocked my glasses completely crooked. I didn’t have a black eye, but it took several hours before I adjusted the nosepieces back to their original position.

This morning was worse. I tried to get her wrapped in her cozy blanket, thinking perhaps that she just didn’t want to get out of her warm bed. She fought bravely, even as I carried her down the suddenly narrow hall to the living room for a morning cuddle, which usually works enough to get her dressed.

She’s bigger and stronger than she was last week – I know this because her flailing was quite effective in throwing off my center of gravity. In between the balance issue and the unpleasant rendezvous of my foot and the &^$#&*@ footstool that lives in the hallway, we both tumbled to the floor in a decidedly ungraceful heap.

I couldn’t hold on to her the entire way. I dropped her about two feet from the floor. Looking back on it now, I think I did it so that I didn’t land completely on top of her – the lesser of two evils. We’re both fine, if a little sore in some places, and she’s already milking it for all it’s worth. I wouldn't be surprised if I get a call from her school – or Social Services – asking what the hell happened this morning.

So, I say again, fuck. I’ve always hated that damned footstool anyway. It’s been relocated to the den.


In better news, our visit to T & P and baby A was really nice, for the most part. Some problems getting around a large city with hostile drivers. I’m so much more timid than I used to be. I used to be able to drive in NYC, for pete’s sake. Columbia, SC should not be a problem.

I’m so pleased for them. They were facing some challenges putting their lives back together after A was born. They certainly seem to be on the right track now – they’re both losing weight and doing a much better job taking care of themselves and each other. She’s transformed her house since the last time I was there. It’s very simple, soothing, and calm. At least when the kids are asleep. And she’s managed to decorate for Christmas without being totally over-the-top. I don’t know how she managed it, but I'm envious.

I gave her a yoga DVD a few months ago and she seemed to really enjoy it. I had planned to bring another Sara Ivanhoe routine but forgot the tape. So instead, we did the low-key Ivanoe warm-up and then I did my best to acquaint her with the first and second flows that I use to generate some heat.

It felt like I was channeling my previous teachers more than anything else. I’ve done these routines so many times that the narrative is more or less embedded, so bringing it to the surface was easy. More a matter of getting my head out of the way to share my journey directly from the source.

I don’t practice with friends. RB and I did the Ivanhoe routine several times but kinda parted ways in terms of fitness when she moved to her new house and her commuting time tripled. (Which is a hell of a shame, and I miss our lake runs, RB. In the spring, maybe?) And I don't know anyone at the studios where I take the occasional weekend class.

I’ve been longing to share this with someone. I’ve been hoping for a yoga buddy, and maybe I’ve got one now. We practiced together Saturday and Sunday – both low-key, introductory sessions. I still got good practices in, and the shared energy made a noticeably positive difference in terms of focus and attention. It doesn’t hurt that she seems to really enjoy it, too.

I don’t think I caused any damage. God, I hope not. Every opportunity I brought the attention back to body awareness and a gentle approach. I think she listened – she was sore as hell on Sunday morning, but in a good way, she said.

“There’s only one thing that’s going to help it, you know,” I said. Then, together, we said, “Doing it again!”

What makes this even more sweet is that P and I went through a period years and years ago when we just annoyed the crap out of each other. I was pretty manic and not at all easy to get along with – my moods would expand to take over a room in about thirty seconds, and she was dating T, who was my roommate at the time, so she was around a lot to witness it. Oh and we worked in the same office. Recipe for disaster.

So to have this relationship shift into a bond of sisterhood (she puts up with my shitty moods and I put up with hers, because, I think, we both know they’re going to pass quickly) has been a deeply satisfying experience for me. And to be able to share some of my happy practices with her is lovely.


Fudge, brownies, more gingersnaps (why do they always go faster than all the other cookies?) and I have got to get some packages in the mail. And make a color decision for the walls. Just too much stuff going on. But you know, I have help. Brian has been great.

Yesterday he said to me, “Living with you is like living with the back door of Howl’s Moving Castle. You turn the dial to a color but you never really know which door’s going to open.” He was exasperated and laughing at the same time.

I happened to be in a good enough mood that it struck me as impossibly funny. I laughed so hard I almost ended up on the kitchen floor in tears – the good kind, you know, when your stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

So yeah, Monday morning re-entry sucks, but at least I’m 90% sure it’ll be better tomorrow. And considering how lousy this morning was, the day has already improved immensely.

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