Thursday, October 05, 2006

a completely different body

*****

Kiki has asked how the challenge went.

Six and a half hours. I made it to 11:30 AM. I spoke at my computer monitor, but nevertheless it was a rather profane insult to the person who had just sent me an email in all caps, telling me that the certification I had just sent was wrong. She was, unfortunately, correct – but the all caps thing pissed me off. It usually does.

Not five minutes later I went to see a manager and said, “I’m sorry, I’m an idiot, but…”

Still trying to maintain the awareness, trying to simply observe, and refrain from judgement – positive or negative. Either route will take me in a direction, and right now I’d prefer to just float and watch.

Tuesday morning’s practice was a little late getting started. Hard time getting out of the bed, but didn’t give up. I had enough time to do one of the hour-long Kest videos – the “Energize” routine. I’m not entirely sure it Energized me more than another hour of sleep would have, but never mind that now.

It was shocking how lousy the practice was. I’m used to doing this one practically in my sleep, feeling confident and happy and graceful. Didn’t work like that this time. Just – ick. Tight places, weak arms, too much resting. Disappointing. I got out of bed for this? And so exhausted Tuesday night. Wiped clean out.

Didn’t manage to get up Wednesday morning, so I toted the mat and practiced in the conference room yesterday afternoon after work. I was a little apprehensive after Tuesday morning. I thought I’d just take it easy and see.

Y’all, let me tell you, the afternoon practice was like inhabiting a Completely Different Body. Strong, balanced poses, graceful jumps, relaxed flow, deep and joyous backbends, luscious hip openers. I even caught a glimpse of a future bind in side angle pose – no shit, really, I think I might be able to do it after …er, after another year or so. I had no idea that a day’s worth of movement could make such a difference.

So this morning I tried yet another practice variation. I started by falling asleep in child’s pose – well, ok, not entirely, but I almost did. Then I realized that my right nostril was completely blocked. I know, it sounds like it’s not a big deal, but in pranayama, right side inhalations pull in that potent, bright yang energy – you know, the shit that wakes you up in the morning. I was still breathing that calm night air, in pre-dawn darkness, through the left nostril. It’s no wonder I could barely stay awake. My body thought it was still asleep. I took care of that problem (*honk*) and moved on.

Yogamum, I know this is not new stuff to you, but I just learned that simple pranayama technique a few weeks ago – please excuse me for (as ever) stating the obvious.

I had a good, slow warm-up to get the back muscles cooking and the hamstrings relaxing a bit. Then I started into the DVD. So much better. I turned off the routine before it ended, added a couple more of my favorite poses, sank into a nice meditation and savored a cozy savasana. Just at the end, before I had been able to move from my comfy spot on the floor, Duckie came out and crawled under the blanket with me, giggling at the novelty of lying on mom’s yoga mat underneath a couple of blankets.

Sweet.

I'm starting to develop a surprisingly detailed awareness of specific areas. There's a one-inch square spot in my middle-right back that doesn’t like to fall forward unless it’s damn good and ready, thank you very much. And I think I may have actually felt the psoas muscle this morning after my shower. Hello! I thought. Where the hell is that coming from? But not in a bad way.

Happy vanity report for today: There’s a nice olive-green sweater that’s been shoved into the back of my sweater drawer for a while now. I’m wearing it today for the first time in four years. And it looks
good.

*****

2 comments:

Kiki said...

Six and a half hours is actually really impressive, Andi. I think just being aware of one's own negativity could be a wake-up call, and perhaps a way to start changing the way one looks at the world. I don't know if I'm ready for it, which probably means I need to do it.

Also congrats on ongoing yoga development. I tried strength yoga a while back and it just didn't work for me; I felt crabby and overly aware. When I do free weights and stretches, I actually feel more relaxed and meditative, oddly enough. Whatever works, though, right?

As a shallow broad (at times), I was happy to hear about your sweater too. Green is such a positive color, I think, and I know it's a great color for you.

andi said...

Kiki - I've noticed I'm really annoying about yoga lately. I do a lot of gushing - oh, yoga's been great for me, it's really been a wonderful coping mechanism and gotten me into great shape, and i feel so much... blah blah blah. which doesn't do much to acknowledge the fact that yoga really isn't for everyone. and i loved weight training. i can see what you mean about it being meditative. like you said, whatever works.