Wednesday, January 10, 2007

yet another project

Lots to do today. It would, of course, help if I would stop putting shit off.

Practice yesterday was significantly less hostile than the day before.

This morning was significantly less combative than yesterday’s, although I could hear her crying as I left the school. Heartwrenching. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong – except part of me thinks that working is the wrong thing to be doing. But then I’m pretty sure I couldn’t manage as a stay-at-home mom.

Looking forward to getting past this next baking project – three cakes for a friend’s wedding reception. Maybe chocolate chip orange scones, because I know the bride loves them. Brian came in last night, got a general idea of the organizational madness involved in said project, and said, “Good God, woman. Have you lost your mind?”

A brief verbal scuffle ensued. Given that I’d spent the last hour and a half in preparing recipes, reviewing techniques, and going over the shopping list (again) I could not help but resent his evaluation of the situation, simply on the basis of the paper scattered over the kitchen table.

“Look,” I said, gathering the sections together and shuffling them neatly with a satisfying *crack* on the table. “Boston Cream Pie, here. Carrot cake, here. New York Cheesecake, here. Sauces, shopping list, timetable. Maybe scones. This is how I do things. I’m just going over stuff so I don’t have to interrupt the process to buy something extra and write up recipes in bigger print.” (As I have mentioned, my failing eyesight and lack of kitchen space make this a critical piece of the preparation.)

I even have a binder to keep it all together. What’s the problem?

Oh. Yeah. I miss my family. That’s the problem.

Well, it’s a favor for a very dear friend. Saturday’s the deadline, so it’s not as if this is a long-term project, like a theater project might be. And this will effectively drain some of my stores of contraband sweets in the house.

It’s just that keeping up NaYoPracMo is tough this week. I’m feeling stretched a little thin. Illusory – what else would I be doing with the time? Logistically, this is the best use of the hour. Really. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself to get past the excuses.

Duckie has slept through the night the last few nights. So maybe I can manage morning practices again soon. Fingers crossed.

Work. Gotta run. Audit schedule, corrective actions, certifications, revisions – I have simply got to stop putting shit off.


SB Gypsy said...

I keep waiting for this stressful life to slow down and give me a break. Isn't happening!

Yogamum said...

Try ten minutes! It doesn't have to be an hour.

As for the crying at daycare, I always tried to focus on how the kids were when I picked them up, rather than when I dropped them off. If she's playing happily when you come back, then that's good! But I know it's hard to ever be rid of the Mommy Guilt. Hang in there.

andi said...

YM - I'm all about a quick practice when needed. It's just that during the weeks, I'm kinda in limbo for that hour anyway - I get off at four, Brian gets off at five, and if I pick the girl up beforehand we just kinda tool around at loose ends until we can meet with Brian to head home.

Although that's not just a bad idea, especially this week. I could do both in that hour - I never considered that.

And given that my knee is sounding a bit squishy this week, maybe I'll do that today. Practice for twenty minutes or so, then take Duckie with me to the cake decorating shop and give her a chance to check things out with me.