Wednesday, April 20, 2005

100 things...

Thank you, Sam, for giving me something to blog about. I’m a little shy about sharing recent contemplations, and I’m sure this project will take the whole day, so here goes…

100 things I like about myself

1. I have a good singing voice.
2. I’m a good writer.
3. I’m a good mother.
4. I listen well, when it’s needed.
5. I can organize anything as long as it’s not my own life.
6. I’m a good cook.
7. I’m not dead.
8. My female friends are, without exception, beautiful, intelligent, strong, inspiring women. And mostly I feel like I’m a good fit with them, which blows me away, because I never thought I'd get along with women all that well - the first groups I belonged to were bunches of boys - nerd-geeks like me. The girls blew me off or made fun of me - so, in short, to be accepted and embraced by such an amazing group of women is nothing short of a miracle in my life.

8a. My male friends are strong, brave, and intelligent - otherwise they wouldn't dare hang around as much as they do.***
9. I have great hair, even when it’s short. (It will be soon, and frankly I can’t wait.)
10. My eyes are my best feature.
11. I ran 6 minutes yesterday without stopping.
12. I am open-minded about spirituality.
13. I am inquisitive about spirituality.
14. My respect for life and life-cycles extends beyond this one.
15. I make great coffee.
16. I make every effort not to participate in the weird destructive psychodramas of other people.
17. I make every effort not to feed the weird destructive psychodrama in the cage of my own soul.
18. I am trying not to ignore the news anymore, even though it’s incredibly painful to watch what human beings do to each other.
19. I am trying to live without walls.
20. Sting is my favorite musician, not only for his music, which is fantastic, but also because of what he stands for.
21. I’m not ashamed to be an idealistic realist.
22. I’m not ashamed to be married to a Republican. Confused, sometimes, but not ashamed.
23. I have a very active imagination.
24. I nursed my daughter for about a year, despite the difficulties.
25. I make baby slings and use them.
26. I believe kids should sleep with their parents if everyone’s OK with that.
27. I believe babies should never be left to cry alone. I believe no one should ever be left to cry alone.
28. I have a wonderful family.
29. I have an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, loving daughter and I must have done something outrageously, incredibly positive in a previous life to be so blessed with her.
30. I have a challenging, intelligent, sexy husband.
31. I learn new things from him every day.
32. I update my blog at least once a week.
33. I love to read.
34. I am teaching my daughter to love books, too.
35. I’m attracted to magical moments in life: sunrises, sunsets, rainbows, eclipses, full moons, thunder and lightning.
36. I want my daughter to ride horses.
37. I can make new friends.
38. I’m a really good quality system auditor.
39. I’m pretty good at database design as long as it’s in Access.
40. I ask for help when I need it.
41. I’ve managed to survive without credit cards for the last two years.
42. I’m not still married to my first husband.
43. I am a deep wellspring of love (even if it gets blocked every once in a while.)
44. I’m not always selfish and narcissistic.
45. I can spell “narcissistic.”
46. Jeopardy is the only game show I like.
47. I don’t watch “reality” TV.
48. I’m not ashamed to say I like Friends and Joey.
49. I have a tattoo that is over ten years old and has not lost its relevance to my life.
50. I have learned to make biscuits from scratch (butter works best).
51. My karma manifests quickly.
52. If I screw up and piss someone off, I try to apologize and atone for it as quickly as I can.
53. I’ve been lots of really cool places, like New York City, Paris, Montreal, Seattle, San Francisco, Las Vegas, the California desert.
54. I love where I live.
55. I have not given up hope for future adventures in faraway places, like Costa Rica, Scotland, Ireland, Tahiti, and Tibet.
56. I have learned that life is not about the number of things you do, it’s about the care and mindfulness with which you do them.
57. I can communicate well when not intoxicated.
58. I no longer live my life in anticipation of the next party, the next cigarette, or the next lay.
59. I am continually exploring myself and discovering new places.
60. My feet look just like my father’s.
61. I have inherited my mother’s crooked grin.
62. I’ve written a song.
63. I am respectful of the beliefs of others, even if I don’t agree with them.
64. I accept prayers from other people.
65. I believe in the power of visualization.
66. I believe in the power of herbs and aromatherapy.
67. I believe in the power of a good shopping trip, especially when I’m buying for other people.
68. I give to charities and causes, even – and especially – when I’m not feeling comfortably well-off.
69. I have gladly admitted that Luvs diapers work just as well as Pampers and are half the price.
70. I am happy to accept used clothes from other people. They usually have better fashion sense than I do, anyway.
71. I am happy to donate used clothes to charities.
72. I’m OK with not being perfect.
73. I aspire to be perfect, although it might not happen in this lifetime.
74. My gross-out threshold has increased a hundred-fold over the last 18 months (kids, you know?) Being puked on, crapped on, and peed on doesn’t so much bother me anymore.
75. I’ve written two books.
76. I sincerely wish that every being in the universe could always hold in their heart the exquisite peace and happiness that comes from holding a sleeping child.
77. I try to share knowledge and insight whenever possible.
78. I try to remain open to knowledge and insight in whatever form it may take.
79. I’m using therapy to help improve my life, not just to whine about what’s wrong with it.
80. I am committed to daily meditation.
81. I am committed to my family, and to improving their lives every day, even if it’s just a little bit.
82. I consider my friends to be just as much a part of my family as blood relatives.
83. I am very loyal.
84. I am losing weight.
85. I get hugs from other kids at Duckie’s school, even though I don’t know who they are.
86. I learned to contra-dance, and in the process I discovered that I’m really a pretty good dancer after all – who knew?
87. I have a talent for dialects.
88. I’m a good actor.
89. I directed an incredibly moving and meaningful production of The Vagina Monologes.
90. I’m good at stage combat.
91. I voted in the last election.
92. I voted for John Kerry in the last election.
93. I like camping and I can survive without amenities, pretty happily, for a while.
94. I try to use my creativity in my job whenever possible.
95. I can sew.
96. I got married on the beach, and all my friends came from the mountains to see it happen and have fun with us that weekend.
97. I want to believe that love, compassion and goodness are the natural states of human beings, myself included.
98. I try to do things that scare me.
99. I’m not afraid to get up in front of people as long as I have my act together first.
100. I have walked 18 miles in one day.

Wow. Interesting how as I went through my list, I ran across some things that triggered what I don’t like about myself – or what I don’t do well enough. Fortunately, today at least, those observations weren’t the overwrought expostulations that they normally are – they were just simple observations, and didn’t come along with a whole lot of guilt or blame or self-hatred.

Whew. Dodged that bullet. Today, anyway.

***This triggered critical observations

1 - that I don't spend enough time with the guys and

2 - that the original wording of #8 didn't even include guys in my group of friends. See #1.

OUCH - Stewart, I am publicly SO SORRY!!!!!!


Sam said...

you are the first to take the (whole) challenge (aunt sue sent 10, so i added 10 and sent them back!) and this is a FINE list! i am proud of you, and proud to have a friend with a list like this!
i love you, and i'm glad to know that you love yourself, andrea.

Stewart said...

"8. My friends are, without exception, beautiful, intelligent, strong, inspiring women. And mostly I feel like I’m a good fit with them."

Does this mean I'm not your friend or that I'm a woman?


one of sams friends-carol said...

I am a friend of Sams. I'm trying to undertake her challenge too and find it hard to do but fun. And very thought provoking. I like your whole list but my favorite was #76 holding a sleeping baby. I almost cried. Thanks for the reminder of how that feels. It's been a long time.

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